I like to covet. I am jealous, whiny, and naturally in want of something I don't have. Call me the "natural man" in female form. I spent most of this night at work looking at various blogs wishing I had what is virtually impossible at this stage in my life. UNFAIR! Unfair that many people my age are buying homes and I am still renting; and keep in mind that the home we currently reside in is at least 5 times better than our first apartment; 5 times bigger, dishwasher, washer/dryer hookups, THREE bathrooms instead of one. How quickly I forget these facts. Unfair that many of my friend's husbands are done with school and working steady, "career" jobs. Unfair that I do not have loads of money at my fingertips to use at my pleasure (I do not really know a lot of people who have this, I just think it would be nice. Again, I COVET!). Unfair that I do not have clear skin. Unfair that Iva is ultra picky. She is such a good baby; says "please" and "thank you," loves to share, throws away garbage, puts her shoes away, yet, I seem to focus on the things she doesn't do. Like eating veggies! And meat! I need to just focus on the good in my life.
Reading this, I sound so silly. I am jealous over the silliest things! We had a really good relief society lesson on Sunday about this very thing. Not being envious and comparing. Women, in general, are guilty of this. I think I'm the worst. I am always comparing myself to others. It is a horrible, degrading habit. Naughty, naughty!
My new goal: CONTENTMENT
I want to be content with what I have. Realize my many blessings. My house is wonderful compared to our teeny apartment, and truly I do love it. I am grateful we did not buy, because it would have caused us a world of hurt when our cars broke down and we had to unexpectedly buy a new one using the money we had saved toward a down payment for a house. Plus, I do not need the stress of selling when Derrick graduates in 3 years. I have a wonderful husband who is sacrificing a lot to go to school to eventually provide for our family. Not only does he do that but he always makes time to spend with Iva and I and even does laundry (I married an incredible man!). I have a beautiful, smarter than her own good, happy daughter who is my whole world. When she says "Mommy!" my heart melts. It does not matter that we have lots of money because she is content playing with her free floss that her daddy got at a dental convention (wierdo!).
*Sigh*
Contentment is a work in progress.
For all those family members wanting some Iva-love, picture posts coming soon!
I find myself struggling with the same thing. I'm always wanting something bigger, cooler, stronger, happier, calmer, more exciting, better. It's hard to feel like the "poor-ness" of being a college student's wife is ever going to end. Or that your kids are going to grow up and have different problems and wish that you had those difficult toddler moments back.
ReplyDeleteBeing content with life as it is at the moment is hard! So what I'm trying to say is this: I feel you!